Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
