Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How external is "for external use only"?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
