i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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