is your mom at the bar?
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize