when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
