One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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