Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize