So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
