weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
