I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
