my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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