Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
