hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
