I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
