if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
