saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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