I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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