Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
