I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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