I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
