so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
