ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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