You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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