Whod you bang
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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