Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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