Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
