My underwear smells like fireworks.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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