So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
