hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
