your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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