she woke up with a sticky ear
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
