I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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