I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
