dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
