i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
