my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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