their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
