drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
