i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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