cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
