I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
40s are totally the cure
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
