No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
