im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Randomize
