i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
