The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Randomize
