allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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