the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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