I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
