My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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