Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Houston, we have a blender
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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