At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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