Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
