She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
