she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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