Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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