sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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