By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
