Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
