We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
