Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
