Tell her she can't have a vagina
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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