i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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