the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Your cock deserves a montage
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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