I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
