I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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