I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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