I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
