Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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