This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I can't put those talents on a resume
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My vagina is officially offended.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
