Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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