IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He felt like a one man threesome
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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