One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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