whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he thought i was a dude.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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