we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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