I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
