so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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