I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
