we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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