I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
