did you get engaged???
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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