Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
