I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize