I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
