Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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