Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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