I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize