She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
