mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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