I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize