We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
